happy - enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession
by ovp
Summary: Happiness doesn't always mean what you think. You need to read between the lines to understand. (Artemis reflects on her relationship with Wally post Endgame, angst)


A darker more poignant look at Artemis reflecting on her relationship with Wally. I need to a) stop rewatching endgame and b) stop listening to angsty music - this is not a good sign. Sorry. :(

**Title: **hap•py - enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession

**Words: **~1300

**Pairing(s): **Wally/Artemis

_Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or its characters. _

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**hap•py - enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession**

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Happiness is a farce she's come to realize. Fleeting and for all the temporary joy it brings it also brings with it the striking pain of loss. Why does she never learn this lesson?

Everything goes into drawers, cupboards and backs of closets. It's stuffed under the sofa and behind the headboard. There can't be any trace of him anywhere. She slides everything off the bathroom counter into a garbage can and clenches her hand when a bottle of his cologne smashes on the floor. Why had she ever thought the smell of the ocean suited him?

It isn't until every photo, memento, _souvenir _– every last piece of clothing, the notebooks, the silly little love letters, the dishes they bought together – are stored away that she slumps onto the couch and stares at the bare walls with their empty nails that she cries.

She feels empty. She'll never be able to eat everything in the fridge and she can't even bring herself to. That was his temple.

Buster places his head gently in her lap and looks up with doleful eyes. Her tongue feels heavy and swollen in her mouth and her eyes hurt. Scratch that, everything hurts. Some of the team gets it. Zatanna, Dick, Beast Boy, even Superboy they've all given her space they all understand what it means to loose someone and not have the inclination to share. Her mother is obviously trying to contact her but she hasn't picked up those calls. M'gann though and Barry have been bugging her like crazy. M'gann because that's what she does and that's how she copes; Barry's doing it because – well she hasn't interacted much with the man but she's sure there's a reason. Guilt is one of them.

She's more surprised with how angry she is. No amount of grief can conceal the utter rage she has towards Wally. How could he do this to her? To them? Finally, back together and for what? To be ripped apart again. They were going to graduate. They were going to see Paris. They were going to get back in the business. The best laid plans…

It's not as if she's trying to erase him. It's an impossible task. She just can't handle seeing more of him. She'll go home and there will be his picture on her mother's table, his house is full of them (she doesn't even want to think about the Wests' reaction when she told them the news) and their friends have all started collecting and sharing their mementos. Because the funeral. They want her to speak. She's not that kind of person. She wants to remember not drown.

It feels like she hasn't washed her hair in a week, she can't even work her fingers through it so she opts to run them through _their _dog's plush, downy fur. She glances up and immediately feels bile rise up the back of her throat as she stares at her crumpled green uniform by the door.

She'd torn it off the minute she got inside, ripping and peeling desperately as it itched against her skin and burned in the places where he had carried her hours before. There the articles had lain, in a heap. Maybe for days she's not sure – the calendar he bought had to go too. Wally would never have gotten away with something like this when he was alive. She would have skinned him for not picking up his uniform – even if she was the one who removed it.

_It doesn't matter_. She tries to remind herself and fails. Artemis is a hero, she was a hero before Wally and she can be a hero after Wally. But a sad voice in her head says she can't. It won't have any meaning.

Something is poking her. His old dictionary is wedged behind the couch cushion. She could never understand why he held onto the dumb thing. The Internet was invented for a reason. She pulls it out thumbing through the well used pages chuckling at the doodles in the margins, inhaling sharply at the little arrows and hearts running along the sides of the section Lo to Ly. Poetry. He'd written love poems in his dictionary about her and she nearly slams the book shut.

"Fuck!" She leans her head back blinking back angry, bitter tears. The book lays against her thighs as Buster quietly whines. "Sorry boy." She returns to the paperback bravely landing on one of the more perused pages. There's more of Wally's sloppy writing and he's underlined important words but the only one highlighted on the page is "happy."

"Happy," she reads. Some of the definitions have been crossed out to the point of illegibility so she reads the first visible one with practiced calm. "Characterized by well-being and contentment." Boring. Safe. It sounds right but there's another definition below it. Circled and marked. "Enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession." She blushes. Its dark – that definition. Obsession not a word normally associated with happiness. He knows…knew how much she liked the darker meaning of language. But just to be safe she flips rapidly to the word obsession. He clearly had the same idea because it's underlined again and marked with age-faded scribbles.

"Obsession, a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling." Artemis swallows. Vaguely annoyed that he probably laughed at the word "unreasonable." Fingers flying over the pages, leafing quickly across the paper, she follows Wally's journey towards the meaning of happiness.

"Preoccupation, an extreme or excessive concern with something."

"Excessive, exceeding what is usual, proper, necessary, or normal." It's been half an hour. It's just slipped away and for the first time she has actually momentarily forgotten the dull, empty ache in her chest.

Wally has always made her happy. They've barely been apart since they got together five years ago – excluding the_ mission_. Wally is her _**obsession**_. She can't be Artemis. She belongs to Wally. But she can live for Wally as Tigress. She probably won't move on, but she'll live on. And someday maybe she'll be able to pull those pictures from the back of the closet because happiness isn't merely about being happy, it's an all consuming obsession that takes hold and never lets you go and she knows that very well.

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Artemis almost chokes when she sees Bart in front of the hologram – because there had to be a hologram – of Kid Flash. It seems so staged. He'd never strike that pose and there's no real smile. However, it's like momentarily seeing a ghost because, wow, they look alike. But he looks pretty good in the uniform and she knows this is what Wally wanted for him. It's just a little hard to breathe but she can handle it.

"You look good."

"Really," scoffs Bart, "because I feel like a fraud."

"Well don't," she snaps a little to harshly. "You're honoring Wally's memory by becoming Kid Flash. I know he'd be proud."

"Thanks," he replies scratching bashfully at his hair. "So you suited up…but as Tigress."

"Artemis was Wally's partner. I need some distance. I need a change." She states pulling her mask on. It's a heavy weight against her face. "So let's see how Tigress does."

"As a hero?"

"As a blonde." She chuckles turning towards the hologram of her boyfriend. His funeral is in two days. She'll say something. She knows she will but for now she can tell him.

"I'm happy," she whispers and Bart blinks at her, stunned silence encasing them.

"What?" his voice squeaks as if he can't, and he probably can't, comprehend what she has just uttered to the figure of her dead boyfriend.

"You'll understand," she pauses turning away from the hologram, "someday. Happiness doesn't always mean what you think. You need to read between the lines to understand."

_Someday..._

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_Please review, critique, comment - love to hear your thoughts.  
_


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